Navigating the Waters of Grief
As I fall into the deep waters of grief, I remember how to swim. Grief initiates me to recollect and reclaim the lost parts of my Soul. I lost my dad, and my heart grieves him no longer being here. His essence and the creative gifts he has given me will continue to guide and inspire me. I travel back in time collecting memories, connecting to the eternal child within me. Music has been my muse since the very beginning. Singing, playing, and dancing are my way of celebrating life, bringing me back in touch with the most precious parts of me.
As I grew up my creative spirit became hidden under the weight of responsibility. Art is no way of making a living, is a false belief I was given by those who lacked creativity. A sensitive heart cares and helps others naturally, some call it empathy. Only it is easy to forget yourself in service to others. I forgot to do what I love the most. Thank you dad for never expecting me to live by the rules of society. Now is the time to make my creative dreams a reality. Without the expectations of who I should be, I can express myself freely and live with integrity.
I became the woman I am today because of you. I speak with truth; you weren’t there every step of the way and made mistakes without knowing the impact it had on me. Your presence will continue to remind me to play the guitar and carry on writing and singing songs. I know you will be with me as I play the strings on your gypsy jazz guitar in ceremony. Even if you are no longer here in flesh, blood, and bone. I have a deep connection to my ancestry. I don’t romanticize those who came before me. People can hurt and heal. After years of in-depth study, therapy, and devoted practice I can say the dysfunctional dynamics end with me.
Grief reveals the importance of community. Without community, we lose our humanity. We were never meant to carry grief alone. I wish I knew this sooner. Now my heart grieves in the presence of support, love, and care. I still cry on my own as I navigate the waters of grief. Only now I no longer feel alone. I feel held. I have the space to breathe into the grief expressing the love within me, that never ceases to be.
Dad, I know you are welcomed with love on the other side. I let you go with love. No more pushing and striving. I allow my heart to lead the way. I dance to the beat of my drum, synching with the cycles of mother earth, trusting the rhythm of Soul.
